Grief leaves me strange and stuck. Grief is not linear either.

254 days ago, from the day I recorded this talk, my beautiful son Daniel passed away at the age of 26.  

The journey I am on now, is really bizarre.  There is no linear progression as far as I am concerned.  Having been my son's full time care giver for his entire 26 years of life, made an indelible mark on my soul.  In the loss of my boy, and the beautiful life we had caring for him, I am mostly alone and sad.  Talk about your loss of purpose.  The struggle is real.    

Sometimes I have hit days where I experience what I named "the stuck".  Where I completely lose all focus and nothing I try to do feels possible.  Like a numb dissociation.  So strange to be "just me" and not "me and Daniel".   

The adapted life, is still the adapted life.  Adapting to loss of the son who fostered the reengineering of our entire life style and value system because he needed care 24/7.  And then, blip...  I stand in my home, listening to the sounds of the house.  So quiet.   Stuck in the unknowing. 

Walk with me as I work through these days of grief.  I have found such comfort in connecting to people who also know the pain of tragic loss.  It remakes us into a new person.  A stranger when we look in a mirror.   That is very strange.  

And the pain doesn't end.  You grieve your person, and you also grieve the loss of yourself. 

That is where I am now.  Intuitively trying to navigate through a strange reality where I barely know myself now. 

Please visit my art shop on ETSY.com called "Daniel's Special Art".  It is the shop we created with our collaborative art pieces.  And also is going to showcase the watercolors and other pieces that have been my way to channel my pain.  A story. A journey.  A life well lived.  A life lost.   The work of getting unstuck. 

All of my heart to you, 

Julie Hasselberger