The Adapted Life
Welcome to The Adapted Life Podcast, a dedicated space for those who have faced profound challenges, particularly those who have navigated the journey of having a child born with severe disabilities. This podcast serves as a sanctuary for connection, offering support and strategies for building resilience when life unfolds differently than we envisioned.
In this series, I share my personal journey with my disabled son, detailing the ups and downs we experienced together. Our story is one of love, hardship, and ultimately, adaptation. But now, my focus has shifted to the complex and often lonely path of adapting to life after the loss of my son.
Grief is a powerful, consuming force that changes everything. It can feel isolating and overwhelming, reshaping how we perceive the world around us. Through this podcast, I hope to explore what it means to grieve, to honor the memory of my son, and to find ways to move forward while carrying his spirit with me.
We'll discuss practical approaches to adapting to loss, including how to find joy in small moments, the importance of community support, and strategies for navigating everyday life when the ground beneath you has shifted. This journey is deeply personal, yet universal in its themes of love, loss, and resilience.
Join me as we create a conversation around grief and adaptation, turning our experiences into pathways for healing and connection. Every story shared strengthens our community and reminds us that while loss is an inevitable part of life, we have the capacity to adapt and find new meanings, even amidst heartache.
The Adapted Life
Looking for the light
The Adapted Life Podcast
Season 3
Episode 29
4 months of grieving. This is a checking in, of sorts. Before I begin, I would like to reach out and let you know that if you are also grieving, and that this resonates with you, please let me know. Especially if you once had an overly full life of caregiving for someone who is now gone and you feel lost. Or just that you feel lost.
On the other side, having lost my son and experiencing this thing called grief, I’ve found myself in a crazy storm of adapting. Of surviving. Of figuring out just what the heck to do.
I am surrounded by blessings, but also by endless triggers that remind me of what life was like caring for Daniel. Most days I truly feel like I am losing touch with sanity. I still dissociate often. And this is where I am going through the motions, but do not feel like I am actually in my body, more like I am floating outside of it not connected to anything.
I share a list of some of the things I've been doing. I GOT THE NUMBERS WRONG IN THE RECORDING. PLEASE FORGIVE ME, FOCUS DOES NOT COME EASY THESE DAYS!
Trying. Trying to find light when it feels so dark. I talk often around here, about a vision that I had of Daniel…. In my vision, or dream, not sure, I saw his face and he was asking me if I could feel the light. “Can you feel the light Mom?” It was so real …. I woke up startled. So I focus on light. Light in the day. Light in the dark. Light.
Here is a poem I wrote about light. The kind of light I imagine that shines from Heaven.
Light
The simple act of visualizing
Brought me to a brighter light
Glimmering. Radiant, white almost
Streaking in from the Spring morning
When I woke I knew the sun was out
Walking the dogs I was warm
Yet after my space of meditation
During which my pain released its tears
My eyes opened to a different light
So shiny and strong it was so
That I took a picture of the window
Through which is was coming
The morning was no different
Than other mornings I saw
How could it be so much brighter now
Pulsating and casting white radiance
Then a message came to my tired heart
And I lay my hands on its beating
The light was not from the outside
It was coming straight from me.
May 7, 2024
Missing my Daniel every second.
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